On Dark Wings, and Dark Knights
by Damien Nathaniel Wren
Summary: Anxious again to see his hero in action, Bat-Mite has transported Batman to the city of St. Canard where he must face off against the combined forces of Joker, and Quackerjack - with a little help from DW.
1. Chapter 1

On Darkwings, and Dark Knights

Damien Nathaniel Wren

Chapter 1: Contrition

Batman's eyes narrowed as he stared at the bank of monitors used by the Batcomputer. One notice in particular from GCPD caught his attention: Joker had escaped from Arkham.

Batman took long strides heading towards The Batmobile thinking where Joker might go. The Clown Prince of Crime always had a love for old Toy Factories, or perhaps Costume and Magic Shops – but he'd exhausted most of them in Gotham and wasn't one to repeat himself. No... This time he'd have to do something different... something unusual...

As Batman jumped into his car Alfred – who was in the process of serving Bruce's evening meal – piped up. "I take it you'll be dining take-out this evening."

Batman let out a chuckle and said "I'll be back by morning." before closing the top. Alfred watched as the Batmobile's jet turbine engine whined to life – flames occasionally leaping from the various ports which vectored its thrust and provided The Batmobile with almost unnaturally tight handling at high speeds. Within moments the vehicle's exhaust vents moved in synchronous union as the vehicle sprung to life.

"So I take it you'll be wanting your usual breakfast of leftovers, and bandages then." His words fell on no ears but his own however. The Batman was long gone.

Batman shifted the Batmobile into its highest gear as he continued winding his way through the mountain roads into Gotham. "Computer, analyze recent Police broadcasts and triangulate Joker's position." A confirmation tone played followed by the computer's voice: "Triangulation Complete."

"Show the sattelite view of the co-ordinates on-screen. Maximum magnification."

A portion of the Batmobile's winshield lit up as its Heads-Up-Display showed Joker heading towards a familiar back-alley. "Close View" Batman commanded, and slammed the accelerator to the floor. Two words escaped his lips: "Axis Chemical".

Joker ran madly – dodging another Police Cruiser and hiding behind a dumpster. Once clear, he continued his escape – straps and sleeves flying as he ran. Convinced he was safe now, he stopped to catch his breath – sitting on a nearby milk-crate. Hunched over, he placed his arms on his knees and crossed his sleeves before him – talking to himself. "First, catch my breath – then ditch the jacket!"

"Keep it. It suits you." Joker looked up to see Batman – then down to where The Batman's foot had already trapped his sleeves onto the floor. Eyes wide he looked up just in time to see the oncoming, leather-gloved fist. WHAP! Joker reeled back – his sleeves tearing from the force of the blow – and slammed against the wall. Batman wasted no time following up as he used his forearm to pin Joker to the wall by his neck.

Joker cackled. "Just like old times, isn't it, Drac? You, me, a Family-Sized vat of toxic waste." The leather in Batman's guantlets creaked as he pressed harder against Joker's neck. "Oh come now – don't tell me you've already forgotten our first date? Face it, Bats – you MADE me. If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't even be here dancing our precarious little dance. But then, think of all the fun we've had together!! The gags, the beatings..." Joker paused – cracking a demented smile. His voice lowered as he continued, taunting now: "the necrologically impaired sidekicks."

Batman picked up Joker by the collar and threw him against the opposite wall of the alley – garbage cans flying as a stray cat screeched its complaint. Batman again pinned Joker before he had a chance to recover – blood now trickling down Joker's forehead, and from the corner of his mouth. Joker had suffered an internal injury – a damaged lung.

"You made me FIRST Joker! Or should I say 'Red Hood'?"

"Red Hood, Schmed Hood – Who CARES? Joker is YOU'RE doing – your very own dimented work of procreational art! Face it, DRAC – I'm the closest thing you have to family. Flesh, and blood. Your very own little Bats-in-the-belfry Jr.!"

Batman slammed a fist into Joker's gut with everything he had, the clown coughing up blood in response. Joker looked up again at Batman – his eyes lighting up as his lips curled back to reveal his yellow, crooked teeth and unnaturally wide grin.

"Ah-ah-ah! Keep this up and you'll be fighting for the top bunk in Blackgate. That's ASSUMING they don't decide to lock you up in Arkham with me. I can just imagine the headlines now: 'Winged FREAK Committed to Arkham on Charges of Criminal Child Abuse'. It would be quite the punchline wouldn't it? DADDY!?"

Bruce Wayne shot up in bed – his covers a tangled mess on the floor. He was soaked with sweat - his limbs trembling. His heart beat painfully as if attempting to leap from his chest. Head aching he turned to his nightstand and poured a fresh glass of water – the image of Joker still fresh in his mind as he drank.

He put his hand to his forehead and began breathing deeply, whispering to himself. "Nightmare ... Too Real." He looked at the clock – 3:33am. It had long since become a rare occasion he could sleep during the Gotham nights and it seemed tonight would be no exception.

Still groggy, he headed down to the Batcave to train – his thoughts turning to the recently apprehended Mad Hatter. He had broken out of Arkham a week earlier, and was returned 3 days ago with no apparent sign of criminal activity. No burglaries, or kidnappings. No reports of bizarre animal behavior. Tetch didn't even have a single one of his trademark white cards marked with a "10/6" on him. "What could he have been up to?" Bruce murmured.

"Master Bruce!" Alfred greeted Bruce as he entered The Batcave – now fully awake. He had changed into a pair of sweatpants before coming down while neglecting to accompany them with a t-shirt, and had also grabbed a towel. "I take it you've already been informed of Joker's escape from Arkham."

"No, Alfred. I hadn't. When was it discovered?"

"A few moments ago at 3:33am."

"Co-ordinate reports on the Gotham City Police Band and triangulate Joker's most probable whereabouts, then verify via sattelite. I'm going to change."

"Yes, Master Bruce."

Under two minutes had passed before Bruce Wayne re-emerged as Batman walking in long, steady strides towards The Batmobile. "Find anything, Alfred?"

"Yes, Sir. It would appear that Joker is currently headed towards Axis Chemical. What the devil could he be looking for in an abandoned chemical plant?"

Bats wasted no words in his reply: "A reckoning."

Jumping into The Batmobile he made a quick system's check before closing the top – the vehicle's vectored thrust system now aiming rearward. The jet turbine switched from its shrill, pre-ignition whine to a full roar as Batman hit the accelerator and – seconds later – was gone.

Alfred set out fresh clothes, and a newly replenished first-aid kit for Bruce's return before ascending the staircase that led into the mansion – struck again by the stark contrast between the sparse, utilitarian, Batcave below and the plush opulence of The Pallisades above. The preparation of Bruce's morning meal – Alfred decided – would keep until his return.

Drops of rain occasionally splashed onto Batman's optics as he searched the area around him. Morning was approaching. Gotham's sunrise would be in an hour and her Dark Knight wanted this overwith.

His foe tonight was Joker – wildly unpredictable, and highly athletic. Apprehending him was never that simple. Looking down into the alleyway – a mere block away from Axis Chemical – Batman spotted his quarry. He took aim, fired his rappeller, and with nothing more than the gentle rustle of his cape in the wind took his place, and waited.

Joker's bare feet slapped their way through newly formed puddles as his red eyes flashed wildly about him. The Gotham Police Department was somehow still frighteningly close, and annoyingly zealous in their pursuit. He had managed to shed his Arkham-Asylum-Chique, however and return to one of his personal torn-sleeved straight jackets, and pairs of purple pants he kept hidden about the city for just such occasions.

Taking care to remain hidden Joker peeked into the surrounding street – dashing madly across to the next alleyway once clear. He was almost there ... almost there when a strange feeling as if something were tugging at his back overcame him.

Joker stopped, his eyes alight as he revealed his crooked, yellow grin. He stood erect, poised – as if delivering a line from Shakespeare: "Suspicions amongst my thoughts are like sad bats wheeling about the steeple of my..."

Batman broke his glide – slamming himself into Joker with ferocious intensity and interrupting his monologue. Joker's expression lie unperturbed as he spoke. "Hello, DRAC. Miss me?" Joker slipped a foot under Batman's waist and kicked hard – sending him flying – before running again towards Axis Chemical and cackling wildly. "Last one in is a rotten egg!"

Batman rubbed his head. Joker has slammed him into the wall but good leaving him a little dizzy. "No time for this." he said, and jumped up – chasing Joker. He fired his rappeller and took an alternate way in from the upper floors as Joker pried a few boards from an otherwise open window.

Joker lifted his arm to reveal a playing card as he stepped his way stealthily, slowly through Axis Chemical – his blood-soaked eyes taking in every possible detail. Joker stopped, smiled, and nodded before continuing. Then again. Batman's eyes narrowed.

"Twinkle, twinkle little bat." Joker recited, "How I wonder what you're at!"

Batman swung down on his line sending Joker flying with a kick to the chest. He slammed into one of the abandoned wooden crates in the plant – crushing it. "You've been spending too much time swapping stories with Jervis Tetch, Joker. GIVE UP! I'm taking you back to Arkham."

Joker broke into uproarious laughter as he tossed his playing card upwards. It burst into a brilliant flame like a flare – illuminating the entire factory. Joker had set a trap, and sprung it expertly – uttering two words. "GET HIM!"

Batman was surrounded – a number of large men wielding sledge hammers and wearing a variety of hats, all with a card marked "10/6" thrust into their hat-band. He glared at Joker – still watching as his attackers jockeyed for an advantaged position. Batman didn't wait – slamming his fist into the gut of his closest attacker and removing The Mad Hatter's Trademark as he threw the man into another attacker. Dodging a blow from a sledge hammer, Batman rolled to the two bodies lying on the floor – removing and crushing the 2nd card.

Four more attackers to go Joker took flight – cackling all the way. "Don't play nice, kiddies!" His voice suddenly turned sharp. "And remember, Santa's WATCHING!".

Batman crossed his arms – blocking an overhead attack, and grabbing the offending hammer by the neck. He quickly kicked his attacker – sending him reeling. Turning, he held up the hammer as if to block another blow allowing his new attacker to break it in two – rendering the head useless. Spinning quickly he slammed the staff into his attacker's stomach – bending him over – before grabbing and crushing HIS card underfoot. The third man fell – a dazed look in his eye.

Three to go.

Whirling about quickly he re-established his bearings – watching as two of the remaining three attackers ran at him with hammers high. The Bat dropped a smoke pellet, firing his rappeller into the cieling. The two swung, crushing each other's mind-control cards on impact. Batman swung down to the final participant in the ambush – thankful for the way the Mad Hatter's mind-control enhanced one's strength, and resistance to damage.

Batman grabbed the man by the collar – quickly noticing the card had fallen to the floor. He was breathing erractically, and sobbing as the scent of urine began tinging the air. Batman released him – setting him to one side – before stomping on the final card.

"Where's Joker?"

"I ... I don't know! Last I remember I was at home, using my computer. Next thing I know I'm here, and you're mopping up the floor with me. What am I even DOING in Gotham City?"

Batman's eyes widened. "So that's how..." He trailed off, shoving his would-be attacker in one direction and dodging in another. One of Joker's deadly cards slammed into a crate – exploding it. "Tag, Batsy! You're IT!"

Batman fired his rapeller – quickly raising himself onto the catwalk and in pursuit. "Run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the JOKER MAN!"

Joker took off – jumping from surface to surface, vat-to-vat as he began his almost ape-like escape. Batman looked, seeing where he was headed next. The whole structure was supported by ropes which Batman cut via Batarang. He leapt – slamming headlong into the Joker as he fell only to have them splash unexpectedly into a large pool of water.

Joker grinned as he came to the surface – amused by himself. Rubbing his face vigorously on his sleeve before speaking. "Imagine that? Makeup that won't smudge, run, or fade away. It's PERMACLOWN!" Joker took off swimming towards the edge, while Batman again fired his rapeller. As Joker escaped the reservoir Batman swung upon him – knocking him down.

It was right then they noticed ... something was different. "Isn't that something?" Joker asked. "Didn't feel a thing!" Joker rolled backwards, throwing Batman at least 20 feet where he landed with a sickening CRACK! Batman stood up holding his ribcage as he let out a cough – blood spattering the floor as he rose.

Joker looked down at his hands. "Don't remember being able to do THAT before." And with a shrug, he took off in a series of heroic jumps leaping to the top of the plant and out of a skylight.

Batman looked around. Joker had won – for now. This was no longer the abandoned Axis Chemical. In fact, this plant – although similar – was very much an active one that appeared dedicated to purifying, carbonizing, and bottling water for sell to the masses. His eye caught several pallets of boxes near a fork-lift, ready for loading. Placing one hand on a box he read aloud. "Koo Koo Fizzy Water..."

He aimed his rapeller at Joker's exit point and fired – lifting himself up-and-out of the factory. He activated the remote on his belt to call The Batmobile – no reply. He repeated the instruction, and got the same.

Now standing atop the Koo Koo Fizzy Water Plant he stared out at the cityscape unfolding before him. The familiar skyscrapers, towers, and streets that made up Gotham City had been replaced by something far more alien. A single set of flatly colored buildings spiraled upwards from the city's heart and reached impossibly high, all surrounded by an enormous sprawl of lower-lying buildings stretching into the horizon. Opposite that was a great body of water the likes of Gotham Bay – a dark, majestic suspension bridge arching its way high over its surface to a destination unknown.

Batman shook his head slowly, speaking quietly to himself. "What are you up to, this time?" Speaking authoritatively now he called for Alfred. No response. "Looks like I'm on my own."

Authors Notes:

Batman, Joker, Alfred, and Jervis Tetch (AKA "The Mad Hatter") along with Gotham City, Axis Chemical, The Batcave, and The Pallisades/Wayne Manor are all property of DC Comics, and used here without permission. Koo Koo Fizzy Water, and the city of St. Canard are property Disney Corporation, and also used without permission.

The 1961 Report of the Register of Copyrights on the General Revision of the U.S. Copyright Law cites examples of activities that courts have regarded as fair use: among them "use in a parody of some of the content of the work parodied" (U.S. Copyright Office, Factsheet on fair use of copyrighted works, .). It is under such authority I proceed.

Finally, I would like to in particular pay homage to the work of Frank Miller in "The Dark Knight Returns" – which succeeded in bringing Batman back to his roots. Also to Kevin Conroy – who has ineffibly defined the voice, and character of Batman for nearly 20 years. Of no less importance to me is the style and creativity of Mark Hammill, and Kevin Michael Richardson in their portrayals of "The Joker" in "Batman: The Animated Series", and "Joker" in "The Batman" respectively.

Despite whatever differences may exist in my portrayals of these characters, it is your work Dear Sirs that have defined them, given them life, and made it possible for them to continue to captivate, enthrall, and inspire me for more than two decades. For that I most sincerely thank all of you.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Convergence

Batman descended to the city streets taking care to remain hidden in the shadows. Continuing his way through the city searching for a place to sleep he was unable to ignore the populace running about on the streets below.

"Furries?"

Batman continued to be astounded by the plethora of humanoid animals that filled the city around him. Although it seemed for the most part a population of ducks, he noticed bears, bulls, dogs, and even goats going about their day-to-day lives in a manner no different to the human population of Gotham.

In fact, that was perhaps his most disturbing observation – there were no other humans here at all.

Spotting an abandoned warehouse Batman found his way in and verified it was empty. He tucked himself away – but not before finding an old newspaper in one of its former offices. "The St. Canard Guardian" he mused. "Hmm..."

Tired, hidden, and satisfied with having at least some concept of where he was Batman resigned himself to sleep. He would deal with Bat-Mite in the evening.

- - - - -

Stubs was a rottweiler/pit-bull mix – and the leader of his gang. Inspired by old movies they called themselves "The Canine Noir", and hung out in the back rooms of a derelict restaurant near the docks in St. Canard. "Tiny" – an English Mastiff – was dealing.

Tiny opened conversation as he began distributing cards. His voice was deep, and his speech slightly slurred as if he'd been fighting way too long in the streets of Brooklyn. "Hey yo! You heard about the fight last night between David Dane and Mike Bison?"

"Yeah, yeah." Miffy – a German Terrier – came back. His voice high-pitched. "Din't Bison take him out in three rounds?" Miffy raised his small, black body onto his chair and began throwing punches – shifting his feet around. "I heard it was like 'BAM!' and Dane was like all dizzy when Bison came back with a 'POW!' and Dane was all like 'OOF!' an' junk."

"'Ey!" Stubs interrupted – irritated. "Will ya sit down an' getch'er mind on the game? We's gots gamblin' ta do. 5 card stud, Gentleman – an' I use the term loosely. Aces high ..."

"AND JOKER'S WILD!" A voice came out of nowhere – echoing through the building and interrupting Stubs mid-sentence. The Canine Noir looked around.

Stubs picked up the Tommy Gun by his chair. Tiny nodded to the others who each drew their respective pistols from their coats as Tiny himself took his own Tommy Gun out of a violin case.

Stubs was the first to challenge the voice. "Who's there?"

The smashing of glass overhead was soon followed by the sound "THUMP!" of Joker's feet as he landed squarely on the Poker table in front of Stubs. Reaching out, Joker grabbed Stubs by the collar and snatched him nose-to-nose grinning madly as he introduced himself. "JOKER!"

Tiny lowered his Tommy-Gun as Miffy sank in his chair. The remaining members of the game followed suit – looking panicked. Stubs continued speaking – saying what everyone else was thinking, anyways.

"You ... Yer one o' Quackerjack's guys, ain't ya? Tell ya what, Mr Joker – you can has the place long as you needs it!" The remaining members of The Canine Noir needed no further confirmation – they immediately scrambled – deserting their boss.

"We'll just be gettin' on our way an' you can make yourselfs at home!" Joker leaned back – his expression a bit more serious now. He let Stubs go – dropping him. Stubs hit the ground running. Moments later Joker was alone in his new hideout with time enough to think, and rest up for the next battle with the bat.

But one thought now in particular titillated his soul – his curiosity was going to get the best of him. Plopping down cross-legged in the center of the poker table Joker asked "Now who's this 'Quackerjack'?" before exhaustion – and sleep – overtook him. The answer would have to wait until evening.

- - - - -

"Bruce ... BRUCE!"

Viki first tapped Bruce on the shoulder, then shook him – hard. Her contractions were getting intense now and her water broke. She needed to get to Gotham General – stat.

Bruce turned over to face his wife as he lazily opened his eyes. "What's wrong? Don't tell me..."

Bruce realized immediately what was happening, and jumped out of bed. He dressed himself quickly, and quietly with all the calm of a sleeping newborn, then gathered Viki's things. Alfred assisted with a few last-minute details, and had the Rolls Royce parked out front.

After loading the trunk, Bruce helped Viki into the car and then got in himself as Alfred took off towards the hospital. Viki's own screams of complaint were in stark contrast to the unnatural cool in which the two men responded to the emergency – almost as if they did this every day. Alfred wasn't even breaking the speed limit.

Plenty of time to spare Alfred pulled up to the entrance of Gotham General's Emergency Department – assisting with baggage while Bruce walked Viki inside and assisted with her triage. Before anyone knew anything else, Viki was in delivery with her legs in stirrups – surrounded by medical staff.

"The baby's crowning! OK, push! PUSH!" The doctor guided Viki through the child's birth as Bruce stood there besides his wife – who coincidentally was squeezing the daylights out of his hand while threatening various creative forms of bloody, painful retribution if he ever so much as touched her again. The doctor gently took hold of the child – assisting now. "OK, we just have to get past the shoulders... and..."

The delivery room burst into applause, one nurse cleaning the child as another cut the umbilical cord. The doctor examined the child closely – relieved when it started to cry. The doctor smiled gently as she carried the child to its mother's arms – presenting it to Viki as she spoke gently. "Congratulations – it's a boy."

Bruce chuckled inwardly as he caught his wife quickly counting fingers-and-toes before the child's greenish, stringy hair and white, chalky skin took his attention. He leaned in closer as the child's eyes snapped open – eyes taking on the appearance of a set of cloudy, blood-red marbles.

Batman awoke – taking in his surroundings. His stomach grumbled a complaint which he ignored. Food he could do without, but water was a different story. If the water in the bay was anything like Gotham's it was far from safe to drink, and in this ... universe or whatever ... walking into the local grocery store and using their water fountain wasn't so viable an option. In a world completely devoid of humans anything he did in the public eye – in costume or out – was going to attract copious amounts of attention. That he couldn't have.

He decided to hope for a public source in a park somewhere that he could raid – that's if he didn't want to steal anything. Even if the cost was negligible to them he preferred public fountains to those at Koo Koo Fizzy Water where he emerged. But if necessary to survive...

Batman rose slowly, carefully, noiselessly,. He walked beneath a skylight and fired his rapeller – taking the short way up. A cooling breeze blew as Batman surveyed the city around him – spotting a fire at the docks. He tapped his earpiece and felt somewhat relieved. At least he could tune to St. Canard's Emergency Band.

Batman could hear the alarm go off at the dock at the same time as reports concerning run-amok destructive toys began crisscrossing the radio waves – a crime that sounded curiously like Joker's M.O. This was worth checking out.

- - - - -

A tightly clenched fist slammed onto the boardroom's mahogany table – its force not the least bit negated by the orange sleeve with red polka-dots it extended from. Quackerjack glared intensely at the remainder of the board – letting his anger sink in a moment before speaking.

"I want to make this VERY clear: I could care LESS about the current sales of this ... 'Whittle Boy'. It CAN'T last. My toys have been a staple of childhood in St. Canard for GENERATIONS!"

QJ's anger subsided a bit – disgust now more apparent in his tone. "This ... 'Twinkle Boy' will be gone before we know it, and sales will continue or improve as is usual."

Quackerjack took a deep breath – calming himself. "Now – if we could get to the point of things – I would like to discuss the import and sell of our 'special' toy line. I want numbers, demographics, and distribution maps.

"I also want a progress report on the filming of our new commercial, along with the projected effectiveness of the overlayed ultrasonic transmissions."

Quackerjack stared out at the individuals sitting before him – all of whom still sat stunned from his earlier outburst. QJ rolled his eyes before projecting his voice and assuming a much angrier stance. "NOW MAGGOTS!"

Several members of the board began digging through their atache' cases for documentation containing the requested information, several others excused themselves briefly, and one made a panicked phone call. QJ continued speaking.

"My new, special line of toys are in every home, and every office-building in St Canard. And – in one week's time? I WILL DRAG A BURNING SMILE ACROSS THE FACE OF ST. CANARD!"

The board room promptly filled with laughter – deep, raucus, maniacal … unsettling. A laugh that surrounded them – echoing from every surface of the room as it assaulted their ears.

Quackerjack glared angrily wondering who had the nerve to interrupt him – stealing his own opportunity to laugh. He leaned forward on the table, screaming. "WHO'S IDEA OF A JOKE IS THIS!?" The laughter stopped immediately – Joker's voice giving reply. "Not JOKE."

A clacking sound could be heard coming from the cieling – a vent cover crashing to the floor. Joker's form flipped – landing heavily on his feet and into a crouch where he now stared face-to-face with the Jester.

He then threw his arms wide in introduction. "JOKER!"

Joker moved his face in closer, twisting his head sideways a bit until he was nose-to-beak with Quackerjack. "Pleasure to meet you ... Jacky! Sounds like MY kind of PARTY!"

Quackerjack laughed. "What are you? HEY! Who shaved the tailless monkey!? It's a RIO-"

Joker turned dark – interrupting QJ and grabbing him by the collar as he displayed his wide, yellow grin. "Seems you and I need to CHAT."

Quackerjack looked past Joker and waved away the other occupants of the room. With Teddy sitting innocuously in one corner QJ sat back in his chair and stared into Joker's grin – producing an equally wide grin of pearly white.

"I'm listening."

- - - - -

Batman landed on the warehouse roof – looking down at the mayhem below. A baby with a buzz-saw projecting from its torso ran around literally trying to hug everyone and everything it got close to. A toy, peddle-powered tank – large enough for a small child to sit in and drive – was lighting stacks of crates on fire with its flamethrower. Several realistic model toy aircraft screamed by his head in a dramatic arch – dropping bombs containing tear gas on fleeing dockworkers.

He increased magnification – again examining the site. "No sign of Joker." Batman leapt from the roof – his cape once more transforming into a glider. With expert timing he broke his glide landing squarely on top of the toy tank – crushing it. His gloved hands reached down and grabbed the barrel of the flamethrower before Batman wrenched back with everything he had – twisting it.

It was then that a large motorcycle screamed around the far corner of the warehouse – breaking onto the scene. A white duck wearing dressed like a refugee from "The Shadow" sneered as he piloted the bike. The sidecar contained a much younger, unmasked female with red hair, wearing a purple sport jersey and grinning maniacally while wielding some type of gun – which she fired at the various toys that were scampering about causing mayhem.

"EAT GLUE, YOU EVIL, DEMONIC, TOY-THINGIES!"

The grenades fired from the gun's barrel struck the toys ensnaring them in a web of sticky glue. Within moments the aircraft were down, and the buzz-saw baby had been brought to a stand-still along with various other toys gone whack-a-doo. A jet – shaped like a duck's head – screamed overhead dropping fire-retardant foam on the flames.

Despite the occasional glue-covered dockworker, and a few small flames being put out by a duck wearing a bomber jacket and wielding a fire extinguisher the mess was quickly under control – Batman deciding to retreat back to the rooftops. If St. Canard had its own hero he was free to concentrate on his own problems. For now ... that suited him just fine.

Batman hadn't gone far before spotting the motorcycle from earlier on the roof with him. "What the?!" Batman whirled around – searching for a way the motorcycle could get there but finding none – when a large puff of purple smoke caught his attention.

The smoke dissipated revealing the motorcycle's purple-clad pilot – cape held open in an attempt to appear menacing. "I ... am the terror that flaps in the night! I ... am a special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show. I ..."

Batman rolled his eyes. "You've GOT to be kidding me."

"... am DARKWING DUCK!"

Without warning a glue-grenade hits Batman entangling his lower half in glue. He began to struggle against it but relaxed realizing the glue has no real hold over him. Within moments Darkwing, the young girl, and the duck in the bomber jacket were surrounding him – talking.

Darkwing opened the conversation. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the result of brilliant planning for ya. And crack execution by my expert team!"

The young girl spoke next – her voice exploding with enthusiasm. "Hey, Dad! What are we going to do with him? We don't even know who he is!"

"Yeah." chimed in the duck wearing the bomber jacket. "He looks like a refugee from Morgana's castle." He laughed. "Not like we get bats that often here in St. Canard. Better make sure he 's not family."

"Yeah, Dad." the girl interrupted. "Otherwise Morgana's gonna get pretty angry."

DW circled Batman slowly – taking in the details. "Quiet, Gosalyn. I have everything under control."

Batman smirked. "So then maybe you can tell me where Joker is."

DW struck a dramatic stance. "I KNEW IT! Joker – that sounds like one of Quackerjack's men! What do you have to do with Quackerjack?" DW leapt up – grabbing Batman's cape for leverage in an attempt to make his 4-foot height more intimidating. "What's he up to?"

Batman tore an arm free – yanking DW off of him and noting a peculiar squeaking sound before holding him by the neck. "How should _I_ know?"

Gosalyn's eyes got big. "Coool! He can break free of Dad's glue-bomb!"

"Gosalyn!" DW interjected. "Not now!" DW turned his attention to Batman – voice quaking. "So ... I take you're not working with Quackerjack, then?"

Batman dropped the duck. "No. And I have no idea who Morgana is, either." Batman took a step forward – easily tearing free of the glue before continuing. "Who's Quackerjack?"

DW gulped – stepping away from the ominous figure as Gosalyn began searching for a solution as Launchpad stated the obvious: "Uh-Oh DW. I think you made him angry!" Darkwing continued his march backwards. "Really? Heheh. Couldn't tell."

"Hey, Dad! CATCH!" Gosalyn threw one of DW's gas-guns to him from the Ratcatcher – but Batman intercepted it – breaking it into two parts and dropping them on the ground between them. "I don't have all night." Batman leaned over until he was nose-to-beak with DW. "WHO'S QUACKERJACK?"

DW started shaking as Gosalyn, and Launchpad stood helpless. "He's a local Toymaker – he runs Quackerjack toys in St. Canard. It's a legitimate business, but it acts as a cover for Quackerjack's criminal operations. He even has ties to the local Mafia!"

Batman stood up – looking pensive. "Toymaker, huh?" Batman looked down at DW – now rubbing his arse after a fall. "Listen up! We're all on the same side. Here." Batman pulled a small, candy-bar-like cell-phone from his utility belt. "I'm looking for a clown – he's dangerous. If you see someone new around here with a toy fetish call me. I'm going to check out Quackerjack."

"Hey, Dad. What's a fetish?" Gosalyn asked.

And – with that – Batman leapt over the side of the building. Gosalyn immediately went off – talking about how cool "The Bat" was while Launchpad peered over the side of the building in an attempt to see where he went. "Whoa, DW. He's gone!"

DW stared at the small, black communicator a moment – thinking to himself – before answering. "Probably for the better." Putting the communicator away, DW headed for the Ratcatcher – Gosalyn following suit as Launchpad recalled the Thunderquack. DW started the Ratcatcher before continuing. "We've got to figure out what Quackerjack's up to. Let's go."

"But, Dad!" Gosalyn whined.

Darkwing snapped Gosalyn an angry look. "I said let's go!"

Gosalyn crossed her arms and looked angry – barely speaking under her breath. "I wanted to go home and play the new 'Whiffle Boy' game, anyways."

Authors Notes:

Batman, Bat-Mite, Joker, Alfred, and Jervis Tetch (AKA "The Mad Hatter") along with Gotham City, Axis Chemical, The Batcave, and The Pallisades/Wayne Manor are all property of DC Comics, and used here without permission.

Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard, Gosalyn Mallard, Launchpad McQuack, Morgana Macabre, Quackerjack, Mr. Banana Brain, The Ratcatcher, The Thunderquack, Quackerjack Toys, Whiffle Boy, Koo Koo Fizzy Water, and the city of St. Canard are property Disney Corporation, and also used without permission.

The 1961 Report of the Register of Copyrights on the General Revision of the U.S. Copyright Law cites examples of activities that courts have regarded as fair use: among them "use in a parody of some of the content of the work parodied" (U.S. Copyright Office, Factsheet on fair use of copyrighted works, .). It is under such authority I proceed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Vicissitude

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY WON'T AIR MY COMMERCIAL!?"

Mr. Mickey Milquetoast – an accountant turned Advertising Executive and placed in charge of that portion of Quackerjack's pet project – stumbled backwards. "Th-th-they..." he caught himself stammering, and gulped loudly. "They ... they have another event that's going to be showing uninterrupted that evening. I believe it's a Telethon for 'Mary's Kids'?"

Quackerjack looked suddenly pensive. "Oh yeah. They do that every year about this time, don't they?"

Milquetoast looked relieved, the shoulder-pads in his cheap, crumpled, out-of-date suit dropping in response as he let out a sigh. "Y-y-y-yes, Sir. Every year. Your plans just so happened to ..."

"HAVE THEM CANCEL THE TELETHON!" Quackerjack interrupted. Teddy – sensing QJ's perturbed state – now stood behind QJ with his eyes glowing red. He held up a cottony paw, and grinned as a series of 5 short, curved, black knives began to slowly extend from it to serve as claws.

Joker – sitting at the opposite end of the boardroom and filing his nails – let out a chuckle.

Milquetoast looked up from his diminutive height at Quackerjack wide-eyed. "C ... C-Cancel?"

"CANCEL! Do you know how MUCH Quackerjack toys GIVES to 'Mary's Kids' YEARLY?"

"B... but Sir? It's not like they can ..."

Quackerjack slammed Milquetoast's head against the rich Mahogany table – silencing him. Milquetoast's eyes became swirls as he stumbled about – barely staying on his feet. Quackerjack – taking on a surprisingly high-handed, aristocratic mean – then turned to Teddy. "Take out the trash, will you, Dear Boy? That's a good chap."

Teddy smiled a surprisingly, and disturbingly toothy grin – each jagged tooth razor sharp with rows of visible teeth behind them as if his mouth were a sharks. He extended his claws fully – including a blade that extended a full 3 feet from his palm – and thrust them through Milquetoast's stumbling form.

Milquetoast immediately doubled over, shuddering. He looked up at Teddy – then to Quackerjack – his eyes pleading. As Teddy raised his other paw however Milquetoast realized it was far too late.

Life for Milquetoast took on a surreal quality. Everything slowed into some sort of perversely beautiful ballet as Teddy spun him towards the wall of glass overlooking St. Canard. Milquetoast even admired the precision rifling he noted in the 50mm gun installed in Teddy's other paw, and took pleasure in the light scent of gun-oil that wafted gently across his nose.

Then came a bright flash of light before he felt his body soaring, then twisting, and breaking as it slammed brutally through the building's structural glass. It was then he lost what remained of his consciousness – his lifeless body smashing itself flat on the streets below as Joker looked down from the shattered window, laughing hysterically.

Quackerjack picked up the phone – dialing building maintenance. "Yes! This is Quackerjack. It seems we've got some broken glass up here in the boardroom, and a window that needs to be replaced. Also, get someone out to do a clean-up on Avenue 2? K? Bye-Bye!"

Teddy reached down with his claws and picked up a bit of Milquetoast's torn suit that was left behind then used it to clean his blade. Examining it curiously – innocently – he satisfied himself that it was clean and retracted it along with his other weapons before tossing the cloth aside.

That done Teddy retired to his corner – flopping lifelessly down as if he were a true, over-sized stuffed teddy bear before switching off.

"NOW what am I supposed to do?" lamented Quackerjack. He flopped down in his plush, over-sized leather chair and stared absent-minded into nothing. Joker walked from the window to Quackerjack's side – whispering in his ear.

"Looks like your gonna hafta go to 'Plan B'."

Quackerjack turned to Joker – now agitated, and whiny. "I didn't even DESIGN a 'Plan B'! My plan was PERFECT! I didn't even NEED a 'Plan B'!"

Joker stood upright – taking a step back. "Jacky, Jacky, Jacky." he sighed. "Look, there's more than one way to skin a BAT – and it's easy enough to think of something." Joker suddenly smacked the dejected-looking Quackerjack – spinning him in his chair – before grabbing QJ by the collar and pulling him close. "All you have to do is PUT YOUR MIND TO IT!"

Joker released Quackerjack – who flopped back down in his chair. "Alright, Mr. Smarty-Pants – so what have YOU come up with?"

Joker did a back-flip and landed by the shattered window – bowing graciously – then waited a moment for Quackerjack to come share the view as Joker pointed out towards Audubon Bay.

"Ladies, and Gentleman I present to you (dramatic pause) the St. Canard Opera House."

- - - - -

"And so our hero retires to the Audubon Bay Bridge where he analyzes the evidence – applying his incredible powers of intellect, and deduction to anticipate his enemy's next move..."

Darkwing paced the floor deep in thought with one hand behind his back and the other with his finger curled beneath his chin. He glanced occasionally at the doll they'd taken from the crime-scene – wondering what it meant. Finally he stopped pacing – taking up the doll.

"Hey, Launchpad". Darkwing threw the doll at the unsuspecting pilot. Launchpad looked down at the doll, then at DW as he began wiping grease off of himself from the Thunderquack. "Find out what you can about this, will ya?"

"Uh ... sure thing, DW!" Launchpad grabbed his tools, and the doll, and immediately set to work.

"Aww, c'mon! This boss is taking FOREVER!" Gosalyn threw down the game controller in frustration. Honker picked up the controller after her, and adjusted his glasses.

"Actually, Gosalyn if you switch to the Yellow Whiffle Armor after you enter The Arena you should be able to deflect his green energy blasts using the accompanying Yellow Bat. Once you have that ability ..."

Gosalyn looked up, her eyes narrowing as she snatched the controller away from Honker. Gosalyn watched as the level's boss – known as "The Green Ring" – exploded outward in a series of little circular bursts and a victorious tune played over the speakers before the screen proudly displayed "A WINNER IS YOU!".

Gosalyn looked at Honker – disdain in her voice. "Showoff!"

"HEY!" Suddenly Launchpad jumped back from where he was working – stunned. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" He took off, dodging the buzz-saw wielding doll as it repeated the word "Momma" and tried to hug him.

"I'm NOT your Momma!" Launchpad yelled – Gosalyn smashing the doll in the head with a hockey stick. The doll turned to face her – its face half-crushed and falling apart. "Momma!" it said – its buzz-saw whirling back up to speed. Gosalyn jumped up giving the doll another whack. Its head spun around once before an eye popped out, and its arm fell off at the shoulder. Its buzz-saw stopped spinning.

"Mo ... o ... mrrr..." it said – falling to the floor with a thud.

Gosalyn gave it another whack for good measure. "Looks like your hugging days are over!"

Darkwing walked over – examining the scene. "Hmm..." He rubbed his chin. "I wonder what set it off..."

Launchpad let out a hearty "Thanks, Goz!" before asking if it was safe to come down. Honker came over to make his own observations.

"Uhm, Mr. Darkwing? Now that Gosalyn has split open the doll's head I can see two piezoelectric circuits." Honker walked over to the doll – demonstrating their locations. "One's here, and another one's here." Honker carefully picked up the doll and showed the back of its neck. "And if you look here, you can see that one of the circuits was used as an emitter."

Darkwing stared intensely – hanging on to Honker's every word. He raised an eyebrow before responding. "In English, Honker..."

"Uhm ... I think the doll is activated by a sound it hears over this microphone, and then replays using this speaker in the back of its neck to reach as many toys as possible."

Darkwing slapped his fist in his hand. "In other words, Quackerjack has built an entire ARMY of these things which he plans to use to take over St. Canard!"

"That's great, DW!" Launchpad joined in. "But what's setting them off?"

- - - - -

"What do you mean the 'Whiffle Boy' video game is setting off my toys? HOW is THAT ... HAPPENING?"

Taffy – having long-since noticed the breeze coming in from the out-of-doors noted the broken pane of glass in the board-room and connected it with Milquetoast's disappearance. This was the worst possible time to be the bearer of bad-news – and she was elected.

Taffy took a deep breath. "There have been two separate incidents now where your toys were set off prematurely. One was handled by the SCPD, while the other incident was handled by Darkwing Duck, and what some reports are saying is an unknown, but exceptionally large Bat."

Joker perked up – listening much more intensely now.

Quackerjack took a deep breath – highly annoyed. "So that STILL doesn't explain the connection to The Whiffle Boy game."

Taffy continued. "In both incidents, someone was playing the Whiffle Boy game within audible range of your toy-line. To be specific, the toy attacks all started during the victory sequence versus a character called 'The Green Ring'. Apparently ... somehow ... by coincidence ..."

Quackerjack held his forehead, then began massaging his temples as he listened – pushing his fingers into his closed eyes as she completed her explanation of the last few evening's events including the involvement of both Darkwing Duck, and this Batman that Joker had warned him about.

"How are the two of them POSSIBLY teamed-up already?" Quackerjack asked.

"I told you he worked fast." Joker replied.

Quackerjack took a small, banana-headed doll from his shoulder and turned it to face him. He inserted fingers into the strategically hidden places – taking control of the ventriloquist's dummy before speaking in a high-pitched voice. "Looks like you might need to step up your plans, Mr. Quackerjack."

Quackerjack slumped in his chair as he answered the doll in his own voice. "No kidding. Mr Banana-Brain." QJ turned to Taffy who was still standing there awaiting instruction. He questioned her. "Well?"

Taffy looked at Quackerjack and tried hard to decode his expression while glancing nervously at the broken window. He'd been through such a wild range of emotions already – she had no idea what to make of it all. She could only hope that she hadn't mis-stepped.

"GET OUT!!"

"Yes, Mr Quackerjack!" she said, and walked briskly out of the boardroom's double-doors.

Quackerjack looked to Joker who sat – shaking his head.

"You know, Jacky... It really IS just a question of time, now. C'MON! It's 'Now-or-never, Do-or-die'. Grab a few henchmen for a quick smash-and-grab and then it's Calisota's pride-and-joy: The St. Canard Opera House, and thou. Whaddya say ... Jacky-boy?"

Quackerjack smiled big before letting out his characteristic laugh. "It's PLAYTIME!"

Joker grinned – his red eyes almost sparkling as he chuckled, then spoke to himself quietly. "That's just what I wanted to hear..."

* * *

Authors Notes:

Batman, Bat-Mite, Joker, Alfred, and Jervis Tetch (AKA "The Mad Hatter") along with Gotham City, Axis Chemical, The Batcave, and The Pallisades/Wayne Manor are all property of DC Comics, and used here without permission.

Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard, Gosalyn Mallard, Honker Muddlefoot, Launchpad McQuack, Morgana Macabre, Quackerjack, Mr. Banana Brain, The Ratcatcher, The Thunderquack, Quackerjack Toys, Whiffle Boy, Koo Koo Fizzy Water, and the city of St. Canard along with the State of Calisota, The Audubon Bay, and The Audubon Bay Bridge are property Disney Corporation, and also used without permission.

The 1961 Report of the Register of Copyrights on the General Revision of the U.S. Copyright Law cites examples of activities that courts have regarded as fair use: among them "use in a parody of some of the content of the work parodied" (U.S. Copyright Office, Factsheet on fair use of copyrighted works, .). It is under such authority I proceed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Execution

_Author's Note: This Chapter mentions Mr. Mxyzptlk, and includes Bat-Mite as well. Both characters made a cameo appearance in the episode of Batman: The Animated Series titled "Deep Freeze" as animatronics with Bruce Timm, and Paul Dini even providing a nod to Bat-Mite's animated days in Filmation (as I will as well). _

_I include the two characters based on this "honorable mention", and would like to honor Bruce Timm and Paul Dini's fantastic writing as well as thank them by requesting that – at least within the bounds of "On Dark Wings, and Dark Knights" – that Mr. Mxyzptlk's name be pronounced as Paul Dini and Bruce Timm themselves announced it in Superman: The Animated Series: "Mix-yes-spit-lick"._

_Finally, I would like to take a moment to also thank those of you that have left reviews – especially pokefan366 who has been particularly encouraging for me during what has become a surprisingly difficult project._

_Thank You, All._

- - - - -

"Bat-Mite? Bat Miiii-iiiite?" Joker – having found some privacy in another room – ran about tossing around chairs and overturning tables. "BAT-MITE!" he screamed – peaking under a painting hanging on the wall. "Where are you ya spineless little 5th-dimensional parasite?"

Joker looked around the room – determined that Bat-Mite was watching. He was lying quietly in wait, looking to see what Joker would do next. Joker renewed his resolve.

"Listen to me ya unrepentent runt voyeur. If you don't show yourself within the next 7 seconds I'm getting Mr. Mxyzptlk in here and ..."

"NO!" Bat-Mite slowly appeared hovering in the air just a few feet away from Joker – arms folded in defiance. "What?"

A chill rushed up Bat-Mite's spine as Joker's mockingly warm smile creeped up one side of his face, but not quite the other. Joker's voice was smooth – almost silky – as he worked as hard as he could to be non-threatening. "Ahh ... Bat-Mite, Bat-Mite. I simply thought you might like an opportunity to put a smile on the face of the big, bad, bat. You know, turn that BAT-frown BAT-upside-down?"

Bat-Mite's ears twitched as his head tilted oh-so-slightly to one side. His shoulders relaxed a little, but he still remained defensive overall – intense. Bat-Mite took a deep breath and rolled his eyes before speaking. "I know I'm NOT going to like this – but what do you have in mind?"

- - - - -

"Drake Mallard ..."

Batman's voice trailed off. He had finished analyzing one of the toys from the dock, and began looking at the facts behind his encounter with the Grey Ghost-like "Darkwing Duck", and company.

The aircraft was a custom, hand-built, experimental model registered to one Launchpad McQuack – a pilot currently under the employ of one Scrooge McDuck of Duckburg, Calisota. A quick search turned up a DuckSpace account with a "Friend's List" noting two names of particular interest located in St. Canard – Gosalyn, and Drake Mallard who lived at the same physical address.

The girl's first name and description matched one "Gosalyn Waddlemeyer" who was still missing as reported by the St. Canard Police Department only a few months ago. She was finally returned to the orphanage as a result of Darkwing Duck's involvement in a case involving someone known as Taurus Bulba – the precise circumstances of her disappearance remaining unknown.

In a story reminiscent of his own history with Dick Grayson, Drake Mallard purchased a house in St. Canard and adopted Gosalyn almost immediately after her return to the orphanage. She immediately took on her adopted father's surname. He had noted Gosalyn referred to Darkwing Duck as "Dad" during their encounter – further supporting the theory.

A quick comparison of records from the Calisota Department of Motor Vehicles showed an exact match of height, weight, and eye color with those of Darkwing – who according to the transponder Batman gave him was currently located somewhere inside the Audubon Bay Bridge.

Quackerjack – he'd found out – is an exceptionally brilliant toy designer and sociopath diagnosed with a severe case of Manic/Depression. Known for his especially abrupt and erratic mood-swings there were no days or months to the duration of his moods apparently – just minutes and seconds.

A perfect playmate for Joker.

Batman turned his attention back to the circuit diagram he'd drawn based on what he found in the toy. Two piezoelectric elements were coupled with a few simple circuits inside, activating a power "switch" and then broadcasting the sound further on for other toys to hear. Taking a look at the circuit itself, though Batman shook his head. "Cheap."

Batman removed his pocket-pc from his belt and tapped in a few calculations. Without any protective circuits in place, a sound of the proper frequency played at 130 decibels or more would actually fry the makeshift CPU and deactivate the toy connected to it.

He took the emitter circuit and amplified it before attaching it to his belt – setting up a defense against them in the process. But to set off the toy army Quackerjack was going to need some equipment as well – which lead to ...

- - - - -

"St. Canard Stereo, and Speaker Mr. Darkwing."

Honker stood proudly over the defunct doll as he detailed the possibility of using The St. Canard Opera House like a giant dish to focus the sound necessary to set off Quackerjack's toy soldiers.

"The problem ... is it would require 3 speakers capable of producing an audible burst of 250 decibels. It's the only place Quackerjack could find them."

Darkwing began speaking – posing dramatically as he goes. "And so with superior intellect our hero once again succeeds in deducing the dispicable and dastardly scheme driving the Pusillanimous Purveyor of Playtime – Quackerjack – and just in time to mangle his monstrous machinations to conquer the fair city of St. Canard!"

Darkwing took a step back – looking over his teammates. "Honker? Launchpad? Gosalyn?" Darkwing squinted his eyes menacingly as he grabbed his cape and wrapped it around to cover his bill.

"Let's get ..."

A click followed by a short double-beep interrupted Darkwing's monologue – followed by Batman's voice. "Darkwing? Are you there?"

Darkwing blinked – looking confused a moment before remembering the radio The Bat gave him. He patted himself down before finding it in his pocket. Removing it, he pressed the button to reply. "Yeah. Whatcha got?"

Batman began speaking – terse as always. "Meet me at St. Canard Stereo and Speaker in 30 minutes. Quackerjack's going to be pulling a major job tonight, and wherever he goes Joker follows. You get your clown, I get mine."

Static crackled briefly over Darkwing's speaker before the radio went silent. That – was that. Darkwing looked towards his entourage with one question on his lips: "Where was I? Oh yeah!"

Darkwing squinted his eyes menacingly as he grabbed his cape and wrapped it around to cover his bill.

"Let's get dangerous!"

- - - - -

Launchpad and Honker were the first to arrive – hovering the Thunderquack above St. Canard Stereo and Speaker. Launchpad scoped out the scene for a moment before relaying the data to Darkwing.

"Hey uh, yeah DW. Looks like Quackerjack and his guys are already slaving away down there. But get this: They seem to be putting crates IN the warehouse – not taking anything out."

"Keep an eye on them, LP. Gosalyn and I will be there in the Ratcatcher in 10 minutes."

"OK DW."

Honker tapped Launchpad on the shoulder as he stared out the front of the Thunderquack's canopy. "Uhm, Mr. Launchpad, Sir. I think we have a problem."

Honker pointed out at the sky – dotted with small, toy aircraft heading directly towards them. The sound of machine gun fire could be heard – tiny metallic pellets bouncing off the Thunderquack's Titanium shell.

Launchpad scoffed. "They're gonna hafta do better than that ... Uh-oh."

All at once, a number of aircraft split off – firing rockets at the Thunderquack. Launchpad flew the aircraft upwards just in time to dodge the incoming attack.

"Uhm, Sir?" Honker said. "They're coming back."

Launchpad vectored the Thunderquack's thrust forward taking off out of a hover. Careful not to fly himself into the barrage of oncoming missiles he flew in a graceful arch towards the city.

"Where are you going?" Honker asked.

Launchpad answered – a hint panic in his voice despite his appearance being calm. "Downtown! The Thunderquack doesn't have any defenses!"

Launchpad kicked in the Thunderquack's afterburner to put a little more distance between it and the missiles – the flames setting off the closest 3. "It's the middle of the night – so hopefully these buildings are empty."

Launchpad quickly turned the aircraft on its side using his rudder and aileron to keep from turning as he slipped the aircraft between two narrowly-spaced buildings. Glass rained on the alleyway below as the windows exploded behind the Thunderquack's powerful engines.

"That's about half of 'em." Launchpad counted. "Now what?"

"Perhaps you could ditch them in Audubon Bay?" Honker suggested.

Launchpad turned the Thunderquack towards the bay and was flying over the bridge in no time. "Great idea, Honker. Hold on to your seat!" The Thunderquack's engines cut briefly – sending the aircraft into a lazy glide as it reached the apex of its arc, and then an immediate dive into the bay with the remaining missiles close at the Thunderquack's heels.

Launchpad kicked in the plane's afterburners – Honker and he forcefully thrown back into their seats. "Uhm, Mr. Launchpad? Is this really necessary?" Honker asked. "Sure thing buddy!" Launchpad replied, re-vectoring the hover-jet's thrust and pulling out of the dive with barely an inch to spare – water dripping off the plane's belly.

The remaining missiles plopped harmlessly into the bay before detonating.

- - - - -

"Hey DW! Come in, DW!"

Darkwing continued navigating the maze of St. Canard on the Ratcatcher – noting several individuals on the rooftops overhead when Launchpad contacted him. "What have you got, LP?"

"Quackerjack's ready for us! He's sent at least 2 squadrons of deadly model aircraft after the Thunderquack – and he's probably ready for the Ratcatcher!"

Darkwing thought about the various people on the roof before deadpanning "Fantastic."

"Hey, Dad?" Gosalyn looked around questioningly – as if trying to locate something. "What's that buzzing sound?

"Buzzing sound?" Darkwing hadn't thought about it, but he'd heard it too. At first he thought it might be a scooter, or a small motorcycle, but now it sounded more like a number of them – and he couldn't see any scooter gangs nearby.

It was then that an explosion set off about 3 cars back, and Darkwing noted several small, remote-controlled cars dodging, and criss-crossing through traffic. "Hold on, Gosalyn!" Darkwing warned, and sped off down a side-street. About a half-dozen tiny cars sped after him.

"Wow they move fast!" Gosalyn sat turned around in her sidecar watching the small team of race-cars heading their way.

"Gosalyn!" Darkwing instructed her. "The Glue Grenades!" Gosalyn pulled Darkwing's Gas Gun, and dropped a Glue-Grenade into the barrel before taking aim and – "THWUMF!" – firing it off. The grenade struck the ground just short of one car – grabbing a wheel. The car spun around into the rest of the glue, ensnaring it as it exploded from being slammed around.

Gosalyn reloaded – taking aim again. She pulled the trigger, unexpectedly ensnaring a pedestrian as Darkwing made an abrupt turn. "DAD!" she objected.

"I RAN OUT OF ROAD! I couldn't very well have plowed us into a building."

Gosalyn fired a third, and fourth, and fifth grenade – managing to ensnare a few more cars before one skidded, and slammed into the wheel of a schoolbus bringing children home from a late field-trip. The bus dipped on that corner – the driver turning the bus to compensate and causing the remaining car to go beneath the bus. The second car went off – blowing out the front wheels of the bus and sending it skidding into the facade of the St. Canard National Bank building.

Darkwing, and Gosalyn responded immediately – turning back to help. Darkwing picked up his radio. "Quackerjack's 'toy army' blew up part of a school-bus causing it to crash into St. Canard National. We've got emergency crews on the way, but we need to be sure the bus is evacuated before we leave. How's it going up there, LP?"

"Not much better DW."

The Thunderquack once again lifted out from between the buildings of St. Canard – one remaining flight of model aircraft still hot on his trail. Single shots from 50mm guns were being fired into the Thunderquack's fueselage and although no one shot was particularly devastating, the shots were beginning to add up pretty fast.

"No, no no! My BABY!" Launchpad shifted the rudder pedals left and right getting no response. A lucky shot had snapped his rudder cable, and he wondered how long it would be until something else was damaged. What's more, this last flight of aircraft seemed impossible to shake and...

Honker pointed skyward as Launchpad went into a barrel-roll – dodging the flight's combined attacks. "Uh... Mr. Launchpad? We have a problem."

Launchpad looked as he saw another flight of aircraft coming at him head-on. "You know what little buddy? That might be just what we need."

Launchpad inverted his airplane – still watching carefully as the two flights of aircraft approached from his 6, and noon. Suddenly, he slowed the aircraft and yanked back on the stick – diving towards the bay and skidding inches above it. The two flights of aircraft fired off their weapons and – unable to respond in time – either smashed into each other or went down in flames as victims of friendly fire.

Honker held his stomach, his face tinged a slight shade of green. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"I think that does it, DW. You need help, there?" Launchpad asked.

"No, LP. It looks like we've got this under control. Head back to St. Canard Stereo and Speaker – we'll rendezvous there just as soon as ..."

Darkwing stopped talking – Gosalyn's panicked voice taking over the radio. "DAD!"

Darkwing looked in Gosalyn's direction – noting the half-dozen or so remote control cars heading directly for them. The bus was nearly evacuated now, though ... if he could just ...

"GET EVERYONE OFF THE BUS NOW! MOVE!" Darkwing reached into the Ratcatcher's sidecar and pulled out a rope with a hook at one end – securing it to the frame of the bus. He ran to a nearby onlooker with a truck. "I need your truck. NOW!"

"Uh, yeah – No problem!" The owner of the truck got out while Darkwing hooked the rope to the vehicle's towing rig. Satisfied, he got behind the wheel, backed into position, and threw it in gear.

"Gosalyn! Is everyone off the bus?"

"Yeah, Dad – he's the last one!"

Darkwing threw the truck into gear and took off – quickly snatching the damaged bus on its side – blocking the street. Jumping out of the truck he quickly coated the remaining sidewalk using glue-grenades which ensnared two of the cars – the remaining four exploding as they smashed into Darkwing's impromtu blockade.

The crowd stood stunned – slowly taking it all in before ... breaking into thunderous applause. Darkwing grinned – his ego getting the best of him as he began bowing, and playing to his audience. It was Gosalyn that brought him back to reality. Sort-of.

"Dad? ... Dad! ... DARKWING!"

"Yeah, Gosalyn?"

"Have you forgotten? St Canard Stereo & Speaker? Quackerjack? The Opera House? DOOMSDAY!?"

"Oh yeah. Just let me say goodbye to..."

Gosalyn snatched Darkwing by his cape and began walking towards the Ratcatcher. "C'mon! We've got to get to the speaker shop. You're going to save St. Canard whether you like it or not!"

* * *

Authors Notes:

Batman, Bat-Mite, Joker, Alfred, and Jervis Tetch (AKA "The Mad Hatter") along with Gotham City, Axis Chemical, The Batcave, and The Pallisades/Wayne Manor are all property of DC Comics, and used here without permission.

Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard, Gosalyn Mallard, Honker Muddlefoot, Launchpad McQuack, Morgana Macabre, Quackerjack, Mr. Banana Brain, Teddy, The Ratcatcher, The Thunderquack, Quackerjack Toys, Whiffle Boy, Koo Koo Fizzy Water, and the city of St. Canard along with the State of Calisota, The Audubon Bay, and The Audubon Bay Bridge are property Disney Corporation, and also used without permission.

The 1961 Report of the Register of Copyrights on the General Revision of the U.S. Copyright Law cites examples of activities that courts have regarded as fair use: among them "use in a parody of some of the content of the work parodied" (U.S. Copyright Office, Factsheet on fair use of copyrighted works, .). It is under such authority I proceed.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Il Maestro Demente

_Author's Note: "Doddy" is not a misspelling. It is a reference to the TV mini-series "Jekyll" – starring James Nesbitt – which aired on the BBC during 2007. It was done not only as a reference to Joker's earlier assertion that Batman had created him ("Daddy"), but as a means to further express my own view of how they interact._

_I'd also like to dedicate this particular chapter to Tex Avery, and Fred Quimby, along with Rich Hogan, and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (who I'm sure probably still owns the cartoon lock-stock-and-barrel) for a particular childhood memory known as "Magical Maestro". Please rest assured the Poochini imitation was done out of love for your work – genius which has entertained generation_s _– and nothing more._

_It may also be helpful to those unfamiliar with the aria "Largo al Factotum" to spend time listening to this five-minute opus – as it is featured heavily in the finale of "Il Maestro Demente". In particular, I would recommend the performance of Nicolae Herlea found at .com/watch?v=flcZZCClR04&feature=related_

_Now – if you please – turn down the lights, and turn up your imagination as you dive into this – the final chapter of "On Dark Wings, and Dark Knights"._

- - - - -

Joker looked around the showroom ringed with Quackerjack's Toy Soldiers feeling a sense of pride. It all came to this – this forced sojourn to St. Canard. The stage was set, and the actors were not only in their places, but at the ready. Batman too – he could practically smell his sweat.

He'd succeeded in playing with the lights a bit so that Teddy sat lifelessly slumped over in the center of the room. He admired the purity, and innocence of the scene - Teddy's white, furry coat shimmering under a single spotlight – his position giving just a glimpse of his lightly glowing blue eyes.

Joker completed his little "gift" by draping a thick, black ribbon over Teddy's shoulder with a corresponding black bow hanging about Teddy's chest. And – as a finishing touch – a small note:

_To: Doddy – with Love _

_From: Joker!_

Joker stepped back – having put on the finishing touches – and started speaking to one of the Toy Soldiers. "Beautiful, isn't it? So shimmering, so warm, so murderous. What kind of mad-man turns an oversized Teddy Bear into a machine of murder and mayhem, anyways?" Joker laughed. "Oh yeah! ME!" Joker began laughing. It was a hearty, uproarious, back-slapping laugh that he shared with the Toy Soldiers in the room – slapping one of them on the back.

It fell straight over, flat, lifeless. Joker stopped laughing.

"WHERE ARE YOU?" he demanded. "Come out, come out wherever you are?"

Joker looked around, seeing nothing – hearing nothing. He held up his left arm allowing his sleeve to drop – revealing a Joker card. Listening intently he began turning very slowly in place, his eyes closed. "Alle, alle auch sind frei!"

Just then Teddy's head turned – ever so slightly – his eye color switching abruptly to amber. Joker – following Teddy's lead – spun gracefully as he flicked his wrist. The card went soaring to the corner where Teddy's gaze was fixed, and lit up brightly revealing Batman – crouched in the shadows.

Hee-HEE! Joker danced as Batman stood – his eyes narrowing into angry slits. Joker's voice turned serious, menacing – yet still a mockery of Batman's. "YOU are vengeance! You are THE NIGHT! You ..." Joker paused momentarily, then chuckled a bit before continuing in a more jovial voice. "... are a little too old to be playing with teddy-bears, aren't you?"

Teddy sprang to life, his eyes aglow in a fiery mix of orange-red. Glassy, curved black knives extended from his paws like claws, and his mouth opened slightly revealing rows of jagged, black teeth from the same material. He eyed Batman – tracking his movements unerringly as he threw back his cape.

Batman looked the ominous creature up-and-down – probing for a weakness. Its claws were tempered, black glass – as were its teeth. It moved in a way that implied it was incredibly heavy – and was probably armored under its fur. Joker couldn't have done this – it was one of Quackerjack's creations. This toy was nothing to be toyed with.

The lights in Teddy's eyes suddenly shut down – revealing eyes of the same, deep, glassy black. Empty, and soulless they stared at Batman as Teddy's lips curled into a snarl. There was a brief flash of light, and Teddy sprung into action leaping at Batman and unleashing a fury of spinning kicks, punches, and slashes that pounded at The Dark Knight like sledge hammers. He was losing ground – and quickly.

Before he realized it, Batman had been cornered. No place to fire his rapeller, and Teddy used his girth and height very effectively in blocking off Batman's escape routes. Teddy smiled his jagged smile as his eyes began flashing that fiery mix of red, and orange. He held out his left arm and spread his almost finger-like claws. An executioner's blade – three feet in length – extended slowly from the outstretched paw.

Batman quickly reached into his utility belt – pulling out a device that resembled a set of brass knuckles. He moved slowly – putting them on as Teddy admired the gleaming blade. The lights in Teddy's eyes went out again – his soulless, empty eyes guiding the thrust of his sword.

Batman deflected the blade using the steel in his equalizer, and rolled to one side. Throwing everything he could into a punch, Batman struck Teddy on his side – just below his left ribcage – setting off a shaped charge which struck Teddy like a pile-driver. Teddy howled as his body wrenched in response to the blow.

Teddy's head snapped around to view Batman – now safely out of range of Teddy's sword. His brow was furrowed and his eyes were black. His lips were curled back in a hateful snarl. That was the last time Teddy was going to telegraph his intent Batman thought – those eyes were now black for good.

Batman removed another set of equalizers from his belt – placing them on his left hand. His expression was intense. Teddy took the blow – which burned off the hair and singed the black flesh below it. Teddy wasn't as heavy as he expected, and the color of the metal beneath the skin explained why – his armor was a light titanium alloy. It would be brittle – but difficult to break. If he could...

Teddy leapt again as he unleashed another barrage of deadly, spinning kicks, and slashes. Batman barely dodged the automaton's sword again, and again as it fought with devastating accuracy and unbelievable speed.

Suddenly the sound of gunfire echoed throughout St. Canard Stereo and Speaker – the muzzle flash of Teddy's 50mm gun briefly lighting the gallery. Batman caught a glimpse of Joker's gleeful expression during that time – the clown huddled up on the second floor near a skylight – ready to make his escape.

Batman stumbled back, holding his shoulder as blood dripped from the wound. Teddy – convinced he had the upper hand – struck with his blade. Batman again blocked it using his equalizers, and struck Teddy on the left side – just below the ribcage – a second charge pounding mercilessly into Teddy's silvery, grey-white exoskeleton.

Teddy reeled around – driving his right paw down at the center of Batman's back before "POOM!" his 50mm gun sounded again leaving a bloody, cauterized wound where the bullet grazed the already rolling Batman – tearing his costume.

Teddy's gun blasts were too close – a good thing. The heat was cauterizing the wounds – slowing the bleeding – and the shots were over-penetrating meaning he wouldn't have to dig the bullets out later. But that didn't mean the wounds didn't hurt like hell – and a successful shot to the head, or a major organ would mean the end of it.

Batman stood up, and stumbled – still holding his shoulder. Various cuts and lacerations now marked his suit – and his body. Defensive wounds covered his arms – all revealed by the shredded sleeves of his costume. The blood loss meant the clock was ticking. Batman had to end this – now.

Batman continued watching the bear – his eyes again aflame. The blows he landed had earned Teddy's respect – the fiery flashes of orange-red showing caution. Joker took the opportunity to speak.

"Who would have thought the great Batman would meet his match in the form of a white, fuzzly, Teddy-Bear? Shame I already know who's getting the upper hand.

"But you know what they say! It still ain't over 'til the fat lady sings!"

Batman glanced in Joker's direction as he ran off before ducking beneath Teddy's opening slash.

Batman turned at his first opportunity and ran towards the wall with Teddy hot on his heels. Running up on the wall Batman flipped over Teddy and landed in a crouch before delivering a devastating upper cut below Teddy's ribcage with his left hand. A third, powerful explosive blast went off – knocking Teddy forward.

Teddy spun around after catching himself on the wall – eyes black. Fake fur, and flesh had been stripped clean from his metallic exoskeleton – the upper-left half of his torso, and half of his face now exposed exoskeleton along with his entire shoulder and the majority of his left arm. The skin hung ragged, and singed at its edges – Teddy's side now beat to hell.

For the first time, Teddy attempted a bite – Batman diverting the beast's head with a right cross. The animal stood its ground – again – waiting. Batman was bleeding and it knew what that meant. Batman was weakening – getting slower. He was becoming easier prey with each passing second – and his titanium alloy body could wait an eternity for the right moment.

Batman continued circling – looking for an advantage. Nothing. He was losing too much blood over time – getting woozy. He stumbled.

Teddy was on top of him in an instant – taking full advantage of the slip. Batman heard a sickening crunch as Teddy delivered a punch to his chest – sending him flying. The punch was immediately followed by a blast from Teddy's 50mm gun which grazed the outer part of his thigh.

Batman slammed back to the wall, then crumpled to the ground as Teddy dove in on Batman with his sword. Batman quickly switched the equalizer from his left hand to his right – barely dodging the blade as he drove the final explosive charge home below Teddy's ribcage.

The metal shattered from the force of the blow driving shrapnel into various portions of Teddy's internal systems – tearing and slicing their way through various muscle groups created using strong, electrically reactive gels Quackerjack had developed.

Teddy stumbled, and lost balance – falling on his side. Rolling over he faced Batman – still snarling. His eyes were amber in color. Struggling to his feet Teddy took aim with his 50mm, and began blasting away with a marked difference in accuracy. Batman drew the grenade from his belt, and charged in as Teddy's gun wavered – tossing the small grenade into the opening in Teddy's body.

The shots stopped. Teddy's eyes turned green, then blue as he flopped down where he stood – hunching over lifelessly. He gave Batman one final look – almost pleading – before ...

"FWOOM!"

Batman took cover behind a display wall just an instant before the grenade exploded scattering Teddy to the four winds. Shards of hot glass, and metal pierced nearly every surface in St. Canard Stereo and Speaker – bits of gelatinous goo spattered near the blast site where Teddy's much heavier endoskeleton lay mangled, twisted, and broken.

Batman examined the wreckage. Content that Teddy was not returning he set to treating his major wounds, and some of the minor ones with the help of not only his own first-aid kit, but those in the Mens' and Ladies' rooms.

Walking into the break room he smashed the glass on one of the vending machines and removed a bottle of Orange Juice. He drank it rapidly, then another, and dropped the empty bottles into the trash before heading for the roof.

Joker was still headed for the Opera House, and he wanted to know why.

- - - - -

"Hey, DW? You alright down there? I heard an explosion!" Launchpad had landed the Thunderquack on the roof of St. Canard Stereo and Speaker allowing Honker to get over his air sickness.

"Yeah, LP. It came from inside. Gosalyn, and I are on the outside rounding up Quackerjack and his men. Once they saw me coming, they immediately surrendered without the least bit of a fight."

"Wow DW. How'd that happen?"

Darkwing took in a deep breath – proud of himself. "Well, Launchpad that's what it's like when you're St. Canard's greatest super-hero. Uhm... backed up by St. Canard's greatest sidekicks – of course. They saw us coming on the Ratcatcher and quaked in fear."

Gosalyn stared quizzically at the line of individuals – led by Quackerjack – walking calmly into the Police Van. Their vacant stares impressed her the most – as if they had no will of their own to speak of.

"Hey, Dad. Why do you think they surrendered so easily?" Gosalyn jumped up, snatching a card that said "10/6" from one of the mooks who – after realizing what was happening – bolted for the alley.

A bolas came out of nowhere and wrapped itself around the fugitive's legs – tripping him up and holding him for St. Canard DPS.

"It's a gift from The Mad Hatter." Batman leapt from his spot on the roof and took the card in hand. Dropping it on the pavement he crushed the card beneath his heel. "For now it's keeping these men calm. But if you have any idea what's good for St. Canard you'll do that to every card you find once you get them in holding."

Darkwing looked over Batman – his costume was torn, and tattered. Slices crossed his chest, shoulders, and legs. Scratches were on his cheek, and his cowl was sliced through at points. Batman's forearms were now partially exposed, and wrapped in bandages – and he appeared to have several bullet wounds.

"What happened to you?" Darkwing asked – awed by his condition.

Batman turned towards the St. Canard Opera house. "I'm too old to play with Teddy Bears." Pulling his rapeller from his belt, Batman took aim, fired, and was off.

Darkwing gulped loudly. "You mean he went hand-to-hand with that monstrous metallic psycopath ... and WON? It's more than I can ..." Darkwing fell flat on his back – passed out cold.

Gosalyn splashed a bucket of water on Darkwing. "This is no time to sleep, Dad – we've gotta get to the Opera House!" Darkwing looked around – mildly disoriented. Gosalyn snatched Darkwing by the hand. "C'mon! You too, Honker."

Darkwing picked up the radio on the Ratcatcher. "Hey, LP. We're headed towards the Opera House with the Bat. Make sure things get wrapped up here."

"Sure thing, DW!" came Launchpad's reply, and they were off.

- - - - -

"Hey, DRAC! Up here!"

Batman entered the Opera House to be greeted by Joker who looked down on him from the Catwalks above. Pulling a pair of scissors from his pocket Joker reached out and placed them just so – readying himself to cut it. Batman wasted no time – firing his rapeller and pulling himself up to Joker's level.

Joker frowned. "You didn't happen to bring that insufferable Darkwing with you, I hope."

As if on cue a cloud of purple smoke appeared, and Darkwing from behind it.

_I ... am the terror that flaps in the night!_

_I ... am ..._

Joker leapt from the catwalk – cutting the rope and releasing a massive sandbag from the cieling. It dropped onto Darkwing, smashing through the catwalk and flattening him back-stage.

Darkwing moaned painfully – finishing his sentence.

_... really gonna need a good chiropractor._

"Hey, Bats!!"

Joker's voice hovered, lingered over and around Batman like an echo. Joker suddenly fell from the shadows in the roof of the Opera-House holding what looked like a piece of a dressing mannequin.

"BREAK A LEG!" Joker screamed – his now airborne body slamming the impromptu club into Batman's shoulder with every ounce of strength Joker could muster. Splinters of wood flew as Batman stumbled, and fell – careening onto the stage below.

Batman got up, groaning, only to see Joker taking his place upon the podium in the orchestra pit. Brandishing an unnaturally wide, yellow grin he took up his sheet music and tapped it even on the lectern before setting it down.

Batman's eyes narrowed as Joker raised his baton – snickering to himself. Proudly lifting his baton Joker's eyes lit up with a combination of menace, and mischief as he made the first downward stroke.

The orchestra pit sprung into action playing "Largo al Factotum" from the infamous opera "Barber of Seville". Batman's tattered costume morphed into a finely tailored suit as his boots became dress shoes and his cape and cowl remained undisturbed. Then - to the surprise of him and Darkwing both - Batman broke into song.

Stepping forward, Batman began motioning as he performed – his entire body backing up the surprisingly full baritone of his voice. A name tag appeared over his kerchief pocket saying "Hi, My Name is..." followed by his iconic symbol as he finally broke into his first historic verse.

_Largo al factotum della città. Largo!_

_La la LA! La la LA! La la LA! LA!_

_Presto a bottega che l'alba è già. Presto!_

_La la LA! La la LA! La la LA! LA! _

Suddenly, Batman's pants disappeared and were replaced by an especially ruffly pink tutu. Batman continued singing to the audience with his bare legs, dress shoes, and gartered dress-socks exposed before dancing a quick ballet.

The tutu fell – Batman's suit returning to normal.

Smiling now, Joker continued directing the orchestra as Batman endured a series of costume changes. A black-striped prison suit, a tennis player in a serve, a football player catching a ball, and all the while...

_Fortunatissimo per verità! _

_Fortunatissimo per verità! _

_La la la LA! _

_La la la la la la! _

_La la la la la la!_

_La la la LA! _

Gosalyn watched Joker's movements intently – convinced she's seen this all before. "C'mon, Honker. We've got to stop him before he turns The Bat into jelly or something. Bring the bungee cord. Now... how do we get on the top of this thing?"

Honker pointed to a ladder giving roof access. "There you are, Gosalyn."

"Good job, Honker. Now let's get dangerous!"

Launchpad ran to Darkwing's side carrying a bicycle pump which he used to re-inflate the flattened Darkwing. "There ya go, DW! What now?"

Darkwing disappeared, falling from the sky and landing in a Barber chair that appeared on stage with a THUD! An unphased Batman – dressed as a barber – continued his impassioned aria.

_Colla donnetta... _

_Col cavaliere..._

Batman turned around – right hand over his heart as he thrust the left hand skyward to reveal a particularly nasty-looking, chewed-up straight razor. Leather straps crossed Darkwing's wrists, and ankles. Darkwing looked toward the orchestra pit realizing instantly who was in control.

"Uh-Oh"

Batman turned his attention to Darkwing as he continued singing – now covering the duck's face with shaving cream. Raising his razor high, he timed his swipes with the razor – one to each exclamation.

_di qualità! _

_di qualità! _

Bat-Mite appeared over Joker's shoulder – hovering. "Uhm, Mr. Joker? I don't think Batman's having as good a time as you said he would. I think he looks angry."

Anger overtook Joker's entire being. "OF COURSE HE'S NOT HAPPY!" Joker snapped. "But OH what a laugh I'm having now."

Joker again began cackling as Bat-Mite disappeared. His words faded with him – their sadness lingering. "I only wanted to help."

Honker finished measuring off the bungee cord, and tying it to an anchor on the roof of the opera house. Gosalyn – ever the adventurer – tied the other end of the bungee cord around her waist.

"You sure you have this right, Honker. I really would hate to go splat."

Honker looked at Gosalyn – his expression smug. "I've calculated it down to the millimeter. You just grab Joker's baton."

_Figaro! Son qua._

_Ehi, Figaro! Son qua. _

_Figaro qua, Figaro là, Figaro qua, Figaro là,  
Figaro su, Figaro giù,Figaro su, Figaro giù!_

Batman – still in his barber's costume with cape-and-cowl firmly in place was searching the stage for Darkwing behind curtain, and under barber chair. And as Batman searched – Gosalyn jumped.

_Ah, bravo Figaro! Bravo, bravissimo; _

_Ah, bravo Figaro! Bravo, bravissimo; _

_Fortunatissimo, Fortunatissimo,_

_Fortunatissimo per verità! _

Gosalyn came within reach of the Joker's baton, attempting to snatch it as Joker proudly brought it high above his head. A lazy second passed before the bunjee cord – stretched to its limit – snatched Gosalyn back to the roof – Honker helping her up.

"Keen!" she exclaimed. "I got it on my first try!" Grinning widely, she held the baton in both hands – breaking it over her knee as the performance of "Largo al Factotum" came to an end below her.

Joker ... wasn't laughing anymore.

The music stopped – Batman at center stage. His wounds healed, and costume mended Batman fired his rapeller into the roof of the opera house – swinging over the orchestra pit to the podium where Joker stood waiting. Batman grabbed Joker by the collar – yanking him in close as Joker presented Batman with a question.

"Doddy? Can we go home now?"

Batman looked around and released Joker – a small team of stunned orderlies rushing in to take control. They were already back in Gotham via Arkham Asylum – courtesy no doubt of Bat-Mite.

Jeremiah Arkham removed his right hand from his coat-pocket – adjusting his glasses. He looked over The Dark Knight – his expression disapproving – and his voice was venomous. "Thank you, Batman. We'll take it from here. I'm certain you know the way out?"

- - - - -

Gosalyn, and Honker were the first to arrive in The Orchestra Pit – marveling at the disappearance of The Bat, and his clownish opponent.

Gosalyn reached down to the podium, picking up a small, white card – motioning dramatically as she spoke. "Hey! It's one of those 10/6 cards that turned everyone into zombies!" She flipped the card over a few times in her hand before giving it to Honker. "How do you think it works?"

Honker replied in his usual, meek way – quietly slipping the card into his backpack. "I don't know, Gosalyn. I don't know."

_- fin!_

Authors Notes:

Batman, Bat-Mite, Joker, Alfred, and Jervis Tetch (AKA "The Mad Hatter") along with Gotham City, Axis Chemical, The Batcave, and The Pallisades/Wayne Manor are all property of DC Comics, and used here without permission.

Darkwing Duck/Drake Mallard, Gosalyn Mallard, Honker Muddlefoot, Launchpad McQuack, Morgana Macabre, Quackerjack, Mr. Banana Brain, Teddy, The Ratcatcher, The Thunderquack, Quackerjack Toys, Whiffle Boy, Koo Koo Fizzy Water, and the city of St. Canard along with the State of Calisota, The Audubon Bay, and The Audubon Bay Bridge are property Disney Corporation, and also used without permission.

The 1961 Report of the Register of Copyrights on the General Revision of the U.S. Copyright Law cites examples of activities that courts have regarded as fair use: among them "use in a parody of some of the content of the work parodied" (U.S. Copyright Office, Factsheet on fair use of copyrighted works, .). It is under such authority I proceed.


End file.
